Editor’s Note: Students in English-as-a-Second-Language (ESL) 113 taught by Mimi Pollack have been writing essays about interesting customs in their countries-of-origin.  Here is one essay written by a student who grew up in Iraq.

 Alsawaf

GROSSMONT COLLEGE — Most young adults in my country, Iraq, married and unmarried, depend on their families for support in the early years of their young, adult lives. The parents support their young adults by letting them stay for free in their homes or having them share in the living expenses.  Such arrangements have their pros and cons.

On the positive side, this kind of arrangement between the parents and their children benefits both sides and strengthens the family relationship. Young couples may use this opportunity to save for their future and have their parents watch their children instead of giving them to strangers to raise them.

Additionally, this kind of arrangement is an ancient tradition in my country and in most of the Middle Eastern countries, while it is rare in western civilizations.

Many values and benefits come from living with parents, especially for  young married adults who learn the family’s traditions and customs and in turn nurture the values of their children.

Most young adults in Iraq would prefer to live with their family even after they get married because their children will benefit from the help of live-in grandparents.  This is especially important when both parents of the child must work.

Another great benefit of living with parents is coming home after a long day at work to a delicious meal. I think that parents are the best teachers because they have much experience in bringing up generations. My wife and I prefer that we raise our children side by side with my parents. I think that couples who prefer to live with their parents have a lot more time to work and enjoy life than couples who live independently.

Living with parents at the family home also provides financial benefits, such as saving on mortgage, food costs, and utility bills, which helps the young couple to put aside money for a future home.

In my own case, my parents helped us financially during the first years of our marriage while we saved for the coming years.

On the negative side, living at home with parents is not always easy because sometimes we are faced with disagreements and misunderstandings due to the gap between two generations with different ideas.

Differing points of view can cause a big problem especially if there is significant difference in ages and a corresponding difference in cultural attitudes.  Seemingly small issues such as the proper method of cooking and cleaning can lead to conflict.   These small problems can lead to bigger ones. Some young couples may feel so hurt, they may prefer isolation to a reoccurrence of the problem.

In balance, however, I think generations living together have more advantages than disadvantages.  The little children learn good life lessons from their grandparents, including how to respect their elders. I think it is healthy, too, for the grandparents to spend quality time with their grandchildren.