GROSSMONT COLLEGE–Welcome to college. Now place one hand over your heart, the other over your eyes and mind-and repeat after me:

1. “I am now in college.”
2. “It is a big deal, just as my high school promised.”
3. “I promise to build my education from where I left off, by continuing to swallow–without question–so many confusing, poorly put appeals to authority.”
4. “Moreover, I pledge to think critically only to the extent allowed by the intellectual peephole crafted by my mental-betters.”
5. “I will not think out of turn.”

With your oath in place, hear now the state of our financial aid office: it is bound, by the federal law, to discriminate against men 18-25 years old; it must require the men to register for a military draft. Those men must do so, or be disqualified for federal financial aid, and be barred from federal employment.

Among the literature available in our financial aid office are pamphlets reminding men of the sexist discrimination against them; one of which reads, “Selective Services: it’s what a man’s gotta do!” Now, imagine equality: “Pregnancy preparedness registration: it’s what a woman’s gotta do!”

To comply with federal law, financial offices around the nation must break federal law. The fourteenth amendment to the US Constitution promises the equal protection of laws:

“No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”

The Constitution, though the supreme law of our land, is nonetheless at odds with current practices at financial aid offices, as well as the stated mission of Selective Services, which is “to be prepared to provide trained and untrained to the in the event of a national emergency and to be prepared to implement an Alternative Service Program for registrants classified as conscientious objectors.”

The website for the Selective Services is sss.gov (note the extra “s” of “ss.gov”). There, you can read the section “Women and the draft,” which alludes to the idea that if Selective Services were to remedy its sexism then the fix would be in the direction of women losing freedom, not men gaining it:

“Selective Service law as it’s written now refers specifically to ‘male persons’ in stating who must register and who would be drafted. For women to be required to register with Selective Service, Congress would have to amend the law, the Selective Service System, if given the mission and additional funding, is capable of registering and drafting women with its existing infrastructure.”

Want to “rage against the machine” an not register for the (as-of-yet) man-only war draft? Expect the following, according sss.gov: “Failure to register is a violation of the Military Selective Service Act. Conviction for such a violation may result in imprisonment for up to five years and/or a fine of not more than $250,000.” Additionally: “The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services makes a condition for U.S. citizenship if the man first arrived in the U.S. before his 26th birthday.”

For our culture’s painstakingly duplicitous strides towards equality between the genders, the US SS may not be able to help that, “a woman makes 70 cents to every dollar of a man ;” still, the Service (sic) can perhaps help move us closer to the all important “equality” that many claim to seek, by forcing women, too, to register for war.

Imagine a world of equality, where financial aid offices at colleges across our nation remind both men and women: “War–it’s what a man, and a woman, gotta do!” Or, perhaps, we will keep women out of the prospect for compulsory military service, and give women, instead, literature espousing something more traditional: “Pregnancy preparedness registration–it’s what a woman’s gotta do!” Look for it never at a financial aid office near you, right where the woman-only scholarships have been forgone for furious equality marches, nationwide, demanding equal opportunity for women to be trash collectors and
plumbers.

Note: be not deceived–the preceding was actual information, though not an “assignment.” Now back to your teachers’ regularly scheduled appeals to authority (Math and Science notwithstanding).

Up next: “Your teacher’s page-minimum requirements are absolutely indefensible, and lead to bad priorities and bad writing.”
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Lindquist is editor-in-chief of the GCSummit; contact him at [email protected]